“Better to use a pinny when you start using, as you could get splattered and would not want to ruin your fave lilac shirt” was Jane’s sage advice, which I could more usefully have processed a week or two earlier. “I find that putting saucepans or mixing bowls in the Official Thank Fuck It’s Year Over Also Merry Christmas Shirt Apart from…,I will love this sink and then using the mixer avoids sartorial mishaps.” My big treat to self was a toaster on week one, followed by a blender. Kitchen scales are on their way. On week four I decided to clean my kitchen cupboards, and discovered right at the back of the lowest one of them a trove of sophisticated kitchen utensils from my London apartment, bequeathed to me by the greatly lamented Peter, my late partner.
Who was such a whiz in the Official Thank Fuck It’s Year Over Also Merry Christmas Shirt Apart from…,I will love this kitchen that I put my culinary education on hold for fifteen years—having already suspended it during my late teens and early twenties whilst living with roommates who were all good cooks? The trove included such esoterica as a mace-like object for pummeling slabs of meat into Milanese slithers and a jolly smart-looking slicing implement that seemed oddly ineffective for peeling carrots, as my sister spotted me doing on a FaceTime call. “That’s for parmesan, you ruddy little fool,” she said.