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Some children internalize being treated as a slave without feelings as a model of all relationships. They see most forms of contact with other people as potentially dangerous. In their experience, there are only two possible relationship roles: either you are the “Master” and call all the shots or you are the “Slave” and have to do whatever the Master wants in order to keep the relationship. No negotiation is possible. Relationships are a take it or leave it proposition. The only alternative is to isolate yourself completely. There are many different ways to be a Narcissistic family and some are much harder on children. Children tend to adapt to the family that they find themselves in and adopt that family’s value system. This makes it likely that the children will grow up with a Narcissistic disorder of some kind or, at the very least, many Narcissistic traits. In more abusive and neglectful Narcissistic families, many children make a Schizoid adaptation to survive. There are obviously some exceptions but in most cases I’d say yes they do. I’ve taught in senior schools for years and we frequently get kids coming into schools who have been home schooled up until the point where their need for information overtakes their parents’ knowledge and they enter mainstream schooling. The rigid nature of the timetable throws them completely. They’re used to lessons lasting as long as they need and a lot of flexibility in their education. Suddenly having set periods causes them real problems. Standards of discipline are completely different. They’re no longer the only person in the school and they can’t get the sole attention of the teacher. They have to wait patiently for attention and observe classroom rules designed for 30 students and created with the most unruly of those students in mind. It’s easy to underestimate how incredibly stressful this is for kids who aren’t used to it. They really struggle to cope and become anxious and uptight dealing with the social structures of education. Suddenly they’re encountering bullies, manipulators, sexually attractive teens, practical jokers, sociopaths, enablers, tempters, trolls, teasers and arseholes. And they encounter them all for the first time without coping mechanisms and at an incredibly stressful point in their life. Many of them fall apart completely. They struggle to react appropriately to situations that their peers have had to deal with for a decade and have a full arsenal of coping mechanisms in place for.
In reality, once grown, they find out that their disturbing childhood left them mistrustful and fearful around other people and they may find it difficult to make meaningful connections. They also tend to treat their bodies the way their parents treated them: as things without feelings that are there simply to be useful. This generally translates into them becoming dissociated from their feelings and bodily sensations and often working till they are literally exhausted and ill. These Narcissistic parents treat their children as slaves. The children have no rights and get no respect. Their parents treat them as inhuman tools without feelings who exist mainly to serve the parents’ needs. These parents often have a sadistic streak and may actively abuse their children. Sometimes the abuse takes physical form and the children are regularly beaten for disobedience of any kind. One young man reported that his family had a particularly ritualized way of physically abusing him. When he displeased his Narcissistic mother during the day, she would tell his step father when he came home from work that the boy needed to be punished. After dinner, the boy would have to choose the item with which he would be beaten from a wall of implements: various sized sticks and short whips. This boy’s spirit was never broken. He did not grow up to have a Narcissistic or a Schizoid adaptation. Instead he became extremely rebellious and resisted any and all forms of authority. His family was upper class and extremely status conscious and pretentious. One of his forms of rebellion and revenge consisted of him becoming a petty criminal and pretending to be working class. He saw this as the ultimate rejection of his family and as a perpetual source of embarrassment for them. Another young man never managed to fully leave his abusive family. Despite being quite good-looking, he saw himself as fat, unattractive, and unappealing to women. He had body-dysmorphic disorder and extremely low self-esteem from being continually told that he was ugly and useless. He had internalized his family’s Narcissistic values, but was convinced that he was too inferior to ever achieve anything significant. Instead he focused his insecurities on his appearance. He comforted himself with the fantasy that he would date someday and get a better job when he was thinner and had worked out at the gym enough to get a better physique.
Why revert when we can keep moving forward? The children of Narcissistic parents who develop personality disorders (and not all do) generally become either Narcissistic or Schizoid. A few develop Borderline Personality Disorder. A lot depends on how abusive the parents are and whether they share their Narcissistic supplies with their children or only devalue and abuse them. These Narcissistic parents are focused on everyone in the family looking good and becoming high achievers. Although they have little empathy and insist that their children conform to their expectations, they will praise their children whenever they do well in school, win awards, or otherwise fulfill their assigned role in the family. The children’s role is to uncritically admire and obey them and treat them as Gods. Their every whim is law and their opinions are sacred. When the children do not go along with this program, they are devalued. They get rewarded with gifts, privileges, and attention when they do exactly as the parents say. Any individual initiative on the part of the children that is perceived as threatening the parents’ leadership is likely to be ruthlessly squashed. In essence the children are expected to believe and do whatever the parents tell them to. Anything else is seen as a rebellion. Children from these homes grow up to have lower self esteem than those from the “High Functioning Achievement Oriented Narcissists’” homes. They have been devalued more frequently and almost never allowed to be the center of admiring attention at home. As adults, they become wounded Narcissists who either seek to prove their parents wrong by focusing on getting the status that they were denied access to at home or else they accept their role as perpetually second class. Even when they manage to achieve, their internal doubts about their own self worth will continually create problems for them unless they get a lot of psychotherapy. These Narcissistic parents are often too insecure about their own self-worth to openly seek the admiration that they crave. If they happen to have a talented child, they are likely to use the child to get Narcissistic supplies for themselves. Those who have the intelligence and resilience, become fiercely independent. They comfort themselves with the idea that once they are old enough to leave home, they will get the real life that they long for and dream about.
Suitable for Women/Men/Girl/Boy, Fashion 3D digital print drawstring hoodies, long sleeve with big pocket front. It’s a good gift for birthday/Christmas and so on, The real color of the item may be slightly different from the pictures shown on website caused by many factors such as brightness of your monitor and light brightness, The print on the item might be slightly different from pictures for different batch productions, There may be 1-2 cm deviation in different sizes, locations, and stretch of fabrics. Size chart is for reference only, there may be a little difference with what you get.
- Material Type: 35% Cotton – 65% Polyester
- Soft material feels great on your skin and very light
- Features pronounced sleeve cuffs, prominent waistband hem and kangaroo pocket fringes
- Taped neck and shoulders for comfort and style
- Print: Dye-sublimation printing, colors won’t fade or peel
- Wash Care: Recommendation Wash it by hand in below 30-degree water, hang to dry in shade, prohibit bleaching, Low Iron if Necessary
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